CLOSER TO FINE - MERI WEISS

Closer to Fine - Pg 306

I gaze outward, searching for the moon. It must be beyond my perspective right now. I lean forward and find a tiny star--it's not very bright, but in Manhattan, any star is a discovery. 

Closer to Fine - Pg 303 (When Harry Met Sally)

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." 

Closer to Fine - Pg 258

I feel a safety I haven't felt before. I feel OK--my skin fits. It's like I've made a decision without having made a decision at all. 

Closer to Fine - Pg 240

I smile. It suddenly occurs to me that I love my mother--and all her inevitable imperfections--more than I realized. We are inextricably, irrevocably and, sometimes, involuntarily linked. 

Closer to Fine - Pg 238

I cave in on myself, crying over things that are beyond me, and also those that I should be able to control. A vague hunger has trailed behind me for years. 

Closer to Fine - Pg 232

"I just--"                                               "What?" he asks.                                         "I just love music so much," I blurt out. "It sounds ridiculous but I don't think I could live without music."

Closer to Fine - Pg 228

His semi-constant need to be acknowledged as someone who cares about me is annoying yet endearing at the same time.

Closer to Fine - Pg 227

A thought gallops through my mind--it feels heavy and sinewy--but I can't grab hold of it quickly enough, and I lose it. And all I am left with is awareness: I had a brother, and now he is dead.

Closer to Fine - Pg 226

  "I just can't get over how naive we were," I tell Jordy.                                               "What do you mean?"                                             "The whole group thing. We actually thought the ten of us would be friends forever. We believed that the power of friendship could overcome all obstacles."                        "Naive is the wrong word. We were innocent--we had no reason not to be."

Closer to Fine - Pg 196

I nod again. I want to smile at the memory but I'm afraid if I move too many muscles, I might wind up crying from the memory.

Closer to Fine - Pg 194

"You're just jealous of the Jews. We don't have to confess our sins out loud to anyone. Plus we're much healthier--we starve ourselves one day a year. And we avoid all bread products for a week."

Closer to Fine - Pg 182

We sang in the morning after cleanup and went on raids at night. We listened to tapes that were passed down by the older kids, and we fell in love with a different person every day.

Closer to Fine - Pg 177

The texture of the granite invokes a soundless explosion in my mind, and I am suddenly a witness to my own history, my past. 

Closer to Fine - Pg 176

We stand shoulder to shoulder afterward, to form a receiving line of grief. Jordy and Jax stand behind me. Jax keeps a hand on my back at all times--I'm not sure if it is so I will feel his support or if he is literally supporting me.

Closer to Fine - Pg 160

My whole life can be summed up in the word eventually. 

Closer to Fine - Pg 93

I put my cigarette out, the bizarre words tinging in my head. "Do you thing there's such a thing as perfectly normal?" 

Jordy takes a long drag, her eyes penetrating mine. "I'm not sure," she answers. "All I know is that normal people--people who don't feel passionate about anything, people who don't read books, people who exist for years without crying--are boring, one-dimensional and usually of mediocre intelligence. I hate normal people," Jordy concludes, grinning. 

Closer to Fine - Pg 90

We felt as if we belonged with that crowd, because not one of hem fit neatly into any sort of category. We were two square pegs suddenly surrounded by thousands of square pegs, and the realization that it wasn't just us freed us. 

Closer to Fine - Pg 46

Tucker sits and lights a cigarette in one fluid motion, appealing to my twisted sense of sensuality. 

Closer to Fine - Pg 41

For some reason, however, two of the frames refuse to remain aligned--they consistently tilt to one side or the other. No matter how many times I rehang them, the photos of Jordy and me reject the rigid rules of straightness.